autism

2009-12-23T02:38:00.000-08:00

Gnosticism is the life of knowledge, not the power of the cross of Christ and the Resurrection.

I am pinned by this thought. The past seeks to display itself in this moment and cast me to the hounds of bullies, emotional and feeling wise.

What am I wrestling with like Jacob or is it Isarel?

Mirror Neurons

2009-11-16T20:56:00.000-08:00

Are mirror neurons the key to autism?

Writing

2009-09-27T15:02:00.000-07:00

If one wants to be an authority, one needs to write. Chris Brogan

Son

2009-08-31T00:25:00.000-07:00

Told my autistic son to go to hell. I don't need the actions of hatred and disrespect any longer. He can take the advise of Carol Ortiz of Voc Rehab in Greeley and stand on his own 2 feet. So little she knows as well as her supervisor, Pablo. Whatever happens to my son I will trace back to their opinions and comments to my son a year ago at their office as told to me by my son.

Joshua wants to relish in Gothic practices of hate and etc. So let it be. He enjoys witchcraft and the dark side, so let him relish it. His actions show only a death wish, physically and spiritually.

So be it.

Bridges out of Poverty

2009-08-14T20:10:00.000-07:00

This program looks promising. Hope to interview for it this week. Gave my friend a kuodos for a job at Sears today and at the junk yard.

Finished friends project and got my son's check cashed.

Quiet day otherwise. 100 day challenge coming to an end. Glad I told Weaver to scram. I don't need her kind in my life.

Son and I going fishing in Wyoming in a week or so. Ought to enjoy it tremendously.

Saturaday

2009-07-25T04:15:00.000-07:00

Saturaday and musing some thoughts. Watched Gorden Brown on TED. Quite a new World Order spokesman in advertising for the Internet.

Takes an Brinks car to recover one's password for Google.

Reading up on schizotypal on Youtube. Seems everyone has an excuse to excuse God from the picture now days. So sad. They call God an illusion or part of delusional thinking.

So what is todays order. Hot at 102 degrees yesterday. Had someone come for the dill in our garden. Neighbors. They commented on how nice the place looked.

When you fly with turkeys, don't be surprised you are not an eagle.

Lots of social media is just an attempt to flatten the world and make everyone feel important for a day or so. It is really just part of Bucky's plan or New World Order.

Syngeristic thinking is such a flop. Men will follow it and wonder why it doesn't work. Isn't it obvious.

God is well and alive and active in the lives of men and women. He protects those who are His.

Denial

2009-06-21T03:32:00.000-07:00

I find it hard to believe my family still doesn't believe I suffer from autism or that my sons are not affected. How crass and dysfunctional.

My oldest son is suffering an amygral hijack and is depressed with his life and job. He wants to move or escape over to here. That is not a solution, he is impossible to live with, the clutter, and rigid thought structure.

The dog is recovering from a inner ear infection. She is not her old self, seems to be more reserved.

Small Claims Court

2009-06-17T13:04:00.000-07:00

As I listened to Judge Robert Smith, he was balanced in law, missing a lot in emotional intelligence and was not hearing my claim. I was whitewashed, anotherwords, took it in the shorts and left wondering....

The justice system is not the place to win the hearts and minds of people. Judges are trained in not listening to EI (emotional intelligence). Sad.

The business owners I sued left in a crude and unpleasant manner. To me that shows me I was right and I choose not to recomment them to anyone.

Aspies listen with their heart and when sense doesn't make sense they act out or withdraw.

Balance

2009-06-09T06:07:00.000-07:00

Had a balanced day working the phones and working pulling weeds in the garden. Found some more musk thistles in the far part of the field. Cut them down upon discovery.

Wheat crop is wonderously robust here this year as testified by the green grass and the trees putting on new growth. Flowers are abundant in the yard, potatoes are nearly 2 feet high from early planting.

Anything that hounds you, can't help you. Guy Finley

Blogging

2009-06-07T02:53:00.001-07:00

Blogging is of no use unless it is found and used according to Sean Penn and Mack Collier.
Blogging is not about sounding off just to be sounding off or to list your insecurities or complaints.

Found in a definition the other day that schizotypal in a child is caused by the parents he has and how they treat him or her. Interesting , that is what Daniel Goleman and Daniel Amen say about what autism is caused by also. Are we blind to the violence we pass onto our children by our lack of self control and love.

Austism is driven by a child's need to feel secure and loved, take that away and he lives in an inner world of self created by self.

Then take the synergistic effect of modern thinking and you have children lost in a sea of artifical reality, wondering why black and white doesn't work or why gray areas is now the norm.

Francis Schaeffer answers these and more questions.

So according to social media, unless what I have to input is used, my material is null and void. Isn't that discrimination of some kind?

Asperger's

2009-05-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

Asperger's is learned in our dysfunctional families. I am here doing some genealogy and surfing Craigslist, it occurred to me to the question, "What do I have offer my sons?" More than a year ago.

My oldest son's meltdown 2 days ago allowed me to offer a father's concern and help and maintain a certain calmness, which is what children need, an example, not someone yelling at them.

As my son says, come down off your highhorse.

Have a good day.

Lost

2009-05-13T21:13:00.000-07:00

Watched the season finale of Lost. Nothing much new.

Redid a starter for the caravan today in the intense winds of 20 mph. Got it done in about an hour.
Took a walk. Dog didn't go with me, as someone came home. That is ok.

Travel to see my son tomorrow. No one on chat tonite at Genforum, wonder what is up. Noticed new censoring on craigslist and Twitter?

Watched also the story on PBS on Behind Closed Doors about WWII. Sad affair in dealing with the Soviets, anyone who does, even today.

Our country is in for more sadness this summer. Twitter is seeking to flatten the world into a one dimensional world where all have a voice. The lead up to the one world order that Bucky talks about.

Autism is transmitted by toxic relationships as written about by Dr. Stanley Greenspan of ICL and the Somali refugees in Minn. My thinking is the clash of cultures is too much for the young children, as it is for our young having to put up with toxic parents and enviornments at home.

Dr. Danile Goleman also talks about this in his works as well as the author of the book, The World is Flat.

Accomplished most all I wanted to do today. Feel good about that. What is my purpose in this Kantian world of make believe when the real world is one of cause and effect in an open system.

Men will now live from their imaginations now that Kantian thinking is dead.

Watched a special on Michangleo also tonite and his having to live in the fear of the Inquistion in 1545. He painted to depict faith, not theocracy, namely the Catholic church. Today, I would say all churches represent that, especially Baptist churches.

Is free speech gone?

Sykes

2009-05-04T03:51:00.000-07:00

Been wondering what is draining my energy levels. Time to move on to filing a EEOC suit against Sykes.

Feel relieved it has finally surfaced.

Worked on thistles and cutting cheat grass this pm. What is there to do to entertain a hardy soul on these barren plains amidst bias and prejudice of all kinds.

April 30

2009-04-30T21:39:00.000-07:00

April 30 and spraying Canadain thistles with a vinegar solution. Also discovered badger holes out here, looking for moles more than likely.

Black cat still here. Put new carpet in hallway. Need to use dry kind next time as water leaches into carpet from tannin's in wood staining the carpet.

Fixed starter for van, need to put it in.

Walked with dog just at dark. Dog has a way of communicating that I find fascinating. She just came down the hall to ask me for a treat, a hotdoy before bed. It is a habit with her. At first I was annoyed with her about this. Then I followed thru with the hot dog and she is content afterwords, so I believe we have connected.

Farmers in the nearby fields all day spraying and harrowing. Rain in the forcast.

Lots of DNA info on the web.

Aspie

2009-04-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

Aspie traits will always be with me, even the lack of discipline and drive at times are the result of fading motivation or a fixation on not allowing synergistic or Kantian thought into my life.

God is in everything and still is upon His throne. What more does the world want? To crucify Christ again, heavens not. Man is and always is a sinner. The final judgement is final, no second chances.

Dog and I walked this morning, snow on the way.

Defensiveness, I need to get a handle on that what it means and says about me. Read something about it the other day.

Rain storm

2009-04-18T08:12:00.001-07:00

Been 3 days of rain, never seen this in Colo. Maybe 3-5 inches of rain. Sometimes we get thunder showers in the summer that flood the gullys. This is steady and breaking the back of the drought we have been experiencing.

Learning more of present economy, listening to Karg report on KBDI last nite. He was interviewing business journalists. Not impressed. Just seemed a rehash of what wasn't acknowledged.

Even Investment U doesn't seem to get even this present day. They seem more interested in selling some new secret of this or that than leveling with people.

Good day.

Genealogy

2009-04-13T17:51:00.000-07:00

Rotten's bible is from a Mathias Case family via Clarkson Case to Calvin L. Case in NJ

Heard from Julie Buckmaster, she is a 3rd cousin 5 times removed.

Warm day, sore from the new work load and planting potato's

Saw Nicki today, she seems sweeter than usual.

Took chipper to Sears to have repaired. Came home

Whitfield Case

2009-04-10T18:31:00.000-07:00

Whitfield Case may be our lost gggrandfather. Census records confirm males of right age and a will of Stephen Case confirms his father.

Jennifer Jones on Rootsweb's databases is an anchor in this discovery.

Decent day, little motivation. An up and about. Took a walk without dog, she seems reluctant for now. Coyotes seem to have disappeared as their scat is not present in the last 2 weeks. Farmers may have taken care of their presence...

Some wind, moved vehicles. Saturn still runs rough. That is just the way it will have to be.

Found some material on social neural science today and posted to Twitter.

Refused to be on Blitz.time today. Feels good for some reason.

Respect

2009-04-07T06:28:00.000-07:00

My son remarked of my lack of respect for others. Shocked I was and yet appreciative.

My thoughts are respect even for myself is lacking and difficult to measure or talk about.

My son accomplished his purchase and seemed to be very happy. I am happy for him. The washer and dryer will simplify his life.

His change to graveyard was requested and he got it. Hard on him. He does great with what he has. I am proud of him.

Sears

2009-04-06T21:37:00.000-07:00

At Sears my son purchased a stackable washer and dryer. He has decent credit. Wow.

Good decision for him. Hope it works out well for him. He seems to be a bit in an attitude realignment mode at this time and struggling to deal with it. First by being away from people on graveyard shift and ...

It is a start. Remarked to him about his bitterness towards people a few times today. Took in stride.

He seems to work with me and stays up front with me on most conversations. Remarked today about the wrecked Saturn. How I was pissed at him for not talking to me directly. Got handled well and he has been quite direct since. Good for him.

Candor, clarity, and communication.

Good and decent day.

Blizzard over

2009-04-05T12:48:00.000-07:00

No more wind or snow. Cool here at 30 degrees and NW wind.

Autisitics have trouble connecting words with actions or vice versa.
Their feelings are disconnected from themselves and others.
The world they have is an inner one and chaotic.

They are told that their inner world is trash and doesn't count, leaving many in dispair and hopelessness as well as powerlessness.

Addictions abount, from obsessive thoughts to drugs, namely alcohol.

Religion isn't much comfort to them as only a sauve, because the leaders refuse to recognize the workings of these people.

Snowstorm

2009-04-04T07:49:00.000-07:00

Snow is finally here. Not much wind though.

Been snooping into my genealogy a bit the last few days. No exciting clues as of yet. Covered lots of material.

Found some material on autism on April 1. Struck a note with me.

Otherwise I have not done much. Been to town and continue my walking after windy, cold bitter winds last weekend.

Birthday

2009-03-29T21:37:00.000-07:00

Birthday celebrations today. Had dinner with our son in Fort Morgan and later a movie. Aliens and Monsters. Decent and charming.

Not like Birney, from Walle.

Wind fierce today.

Posts on Ancestry.com

2009-03-29T05:24:00.000-07:00

Genealogy retraced from 9 years ago. Same vein, Absalom Case is a good candidate for our ancestor after seeing the coincidences of KY and Ohio Cases. This is confirmed by DNA at Family Tree DNA. There are 6 or 7 families that come together in this case.

Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men is mechanic and anti-human. Sinese is horrible in it.

Polya

2009-03-28T05:10:00.000-07:00

Found George Polya today thru Michael John Neill. Wow and wow.

Solving problems is the articles I read by Neill and he mentions Polya, a Budapest math professor.

Snow storm

2009-03-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

First and last snow storm of the season. Fargo facing destruction from flood waters.

Walked the dog, 20 degrees and 20mph wind. Cold walking into the wind.

God is a living being, full of light and grace. Pondering this. God is not just a word or myth but reality. As King Saul found out in his adventure with God.

Business is not something to be personal or arbitrary. Business is a business with rules and procedures and comes from personal values

Decent day

2009-03-25T17:23:00.000-07:00

Decent day, removed several items from list and attended 2 Blitz.time events.

Got material from printer, not expensive as I thought. Good. Get material to new customers.

Am sensing I have a poor self image of who I am versus what others see in me.

Narcissim is that way.

Noises

2009-03-24T03:27:00.000-07:00

Buffeting winds have driven me nuts over the years, especially working in them on cold days on mechanical issues with vehicles. Compound this with anxiety of any sort and wack, I go to cussing and sometimes yelling.

God is not the cause of this anger, it is my respond to noises and not handling or being aware of my own anxieties. Of course I get the work done, but sometimes becasuse of my learning style or work style it takes me 2 or 3 times before I get it right.

Like last week I had car overheating problems and replaced antifreeze with water. Now today it is 28 degreees. I am hoping that once light comes up I can salvage the matter and put some antifreeze in.

Spoke with a cousin last nite. Enough with that. Seems fear wants to make an entrance.

Today

2009-03-23T16:27:00.000-07:00

Got the Saturn to run, still not sharp, but runs.

40 mph winds today, trapped inside with wind pounding trailer. Not a safe day with noises and pounding.

Slept after reading. May not be a good habit. Work with strengths, not weaknesses.

Blog

2009-03-21T20:42:00.000-07:00

Reading my past posts reminds me of the negativity I generate. Wow.

Better day, injectors came in for the Saturn, may work on it tomorrow.

Got a few errands done. left others on the list.

Found 10 people to follow on genealogy today. What a find.

See ya later

Dare to Win

2009-03-20T17:51:00.000-07:00

Canfield's suggestions seem so far out and disciplined. Wonder how I will respond, will it be withdrawal as usual or depression.

Or will it be no response at all, just letting life go by me. No news from suppliers.

What is next?

Today

2009-03-19T04:23:00.000-07:00

Reading Canfield's Dare to Win. I am always reading, for what. What do I do with this info?

I seem to let it sieve thru me and is lost.

I love words, but do words make reality and how so. Does visualization make it right?

Where do relationships come in for an autistica? Does an autistic have a relationship with God or Jesus?

Aspies have trouble associating meaning with words. Which brings me to the use of law to slam aspies for not knowing the difference between right and wrong. I believe aspies know the difference but in some way have trouble not being able to use ANT's or similar techniques to deal with problems. Which again concludes with Daniel Goleman's theisis that family upbringing brings on autistism, poor problem solving, etc.

Not many will see this, don't need many. All men are created equal and in the image of Christ.

So there is an answer, just not an ABA approved answer.

Job

2009-03-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

Jobs are not made for the Aspie, an aspie needs to find his own way and that complicated by the symptons he has to deal with.

People will find an aspies friendliness attractive, but the downside is the lacking social skills.

What keeps me from a job or career is my own feelings and thoughts, as well as how I view the world. I have let the world treat me less than what I am worth. This came to me as I walked the dog a few days ago.

I had been mesmerized by the thought that the world would not let me work. What a lie but rather convincing to one with low self esteem. The world is full of life. This world view that terrorizes me is not real. I am here for a reason, not yours.

DNA

2009-03-14T05:49:00.000-07:00

Again confirmed that Absalom Case is in our ancestry line. It is amazing how I am learning to trust my instincts and notions. It is more than that, a simililute of sorts.

When we stomp on the words and works of another we are disgracing the image of God within him or her.

Cool walk with the dog today. She has learned to heel and understands me. Wow.

Meadowlarks out and about. Smokey the cat out hunting.

Trust begins either with the person behind Proverbs 3:5,6 or with one's self which is aethism. Take your pick. Our country prefers aethism now. It will reap the consequences of that. God is in control.

Blog posts

2009-03-13T04:07:00.000-07:00

I will be unpopular cause I speak too direct and what is on my mind.

Sheila Schoonmaker states that in her latest blog. She is good

Woke up thinking about the Golden Rule. When you consider hurting your neighbor you hurt yourself. From driving to walking thru Walmart. What you are considering or thinking about that person in front of you in the checkout line is just as much as truth as the external words and smiles we use in conversing with others.

Noticed that in speaking with Randy at Mirror Image. He really didn't like having people take up his time while I was there, even if only to say hello. I quess what he was saying is, you are not really a friend, so why are you here?

It just now dawns on me what was going on, almost 15 hours later. Story of my life. Too little too late.

Cats

2009-03-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

I am angry, having to work in 20 mph 20 degree winds on vehicles that aren't mine. Wow, I sure can cuss. Hate the noise of the wind and the whining cats about me.

Got it done, not as involved as first thought. Bornhoft called about dessert for the Friday funeral, didn't need our help. Said thank you and hung up. Wonder if they called off the funeral.

I had just got inside from the cold and wind and get this kind of call. Wow, what a bunch of ........'s
I am tired of not even having my own life, always working on others projects and letdowns.

I hope no one ever follows these lines or this blog. What a joke I am? How am I to run a business with all this anger. If it isn't wind today, it would be a supplier or customer tomorrow,. what gives?

So what, does it matter.

Birthday

2009-03-10T21:24:00.000-07:00

March 10

Fine day. Son drove over and spent some time with me, hanging out as he stated. Fun time, shot some fireworks off at dark and watch his senior high play.

Funny conversation with Gary at R&R, laughed hard and long. Great. Found an injector for the saturn today in CA. Finally.

Cold, windy day, sunny, but cold. Cut some wood for fireplace. Enjoyed making others happy today rather than asking for something.

Lots of news going on. Hope to bring all up to speed soon.

Alerts

2009-03-08T04:30:00.000-07:00

A few new alerts, no notice of the discovery that family environment plays a role in autism.
Verbal violence, physical abuse, neglect, screaming, and lack of nurture will force a young child
to withdraw and then stay there until heard or touched by a pet or caring individual.

The sadness is that in our violent culture, that is very rare and we blame other things for how we raise our children.

Violent video games are not good for an individuals brain health. If necessary, using a SPECT scan may find out the biological reasons for the functioning of a person's brain, giving a professional better resources to help someone. Dr. Daniel Amen is doing this as well as others in the profession.

4 inches of new snow here. Feel like I am dropping the ball too much with my new business and selling items in order to stay afloat.

I am seeing a lot of attempts to help autistic people. Would be nice if people took time to do some soul searching and ask themselves, Am I treating my child with respect and love or am I yelling, screaming at them, causing them to blame themselves for my behavior. leading to generational abuse.

Here I am homeless. living with someone who doesn't care or who blames me for her problems.
And yes, I probably don't get it.

Being Heard

2009-03-06T21:05:00.000-08:00

Dr. Phil had kids in San Quentin today. One comment the convicts made is not having someone to hear them out or what they said. That sounds so familiar to me and in my comments. I feel like I am never heard or listen to.

Quiet day, walked the dog. That was my accomplishment for the day. Tried to read, not much there either.

Feb 5

2009-03-05T13:54:00.000-08:00

Following is a quote from Dr. Danile Amen's book, Magnificent Mind at Any Age:

Page 200

"How Childhood Sets Up Resilience or Vulnerability in the Brain

Evidence from both animal and human studies shows that childrenn who experience extreme, uncontrollable stress, such as physical or sexual abuse, are more likely to suffer from anciety and depression and are more vulnerable to stress later in life. At birth there is substantial flexibility in the brain's ability to respond and adapt to stressfull events. Some research suggests that there may be a critical period in the first few weeks of life, during which time traumas are particularly harmful to the bain's ability to handle stress. Studies of humans who survive child abuse have found changes in the functioning of the brain circuits responsible for handling stress. A study of women who were abused as chldren found that they had an increase in their stress hormones compared with those who were not abused. Long-termed exposure to stress hormones has been found to kill cells in the hippocampus, part of the limbic brain deep in the temporal lobes, involved with memory, learning, and emotion. Smaller hippocampal volumes are found in people with depression and chronic stress disorders. Early abuse or stress can cause longstanding changes in brain circuits associated with resilience and learning. Women who are abused are more likely to stay with men who are abusive, in part because of their own anciety, erratic memory, and low self-confidence. These findings suggest that child abuse can lead to long-term changes in the brain and may help to explain why mistreatment is passed down generation after generation."

It is my experience I have experienced this and that I believe as Dr. Daniel Goleman states that autism and asperger's is closely related family upbringing, enviroment, abuse and what isn't there, along with genetic dispositions.

Writing

2009-03-04T15:55:00.000-08:00

Writing was my dream at 18, but the depression coming from undiagnosed asperger's and living with alcoholics kept me struggling and wondering what is going on. That was 44 years ago and countless jobs. Now here I am writing a blog about my life and wondering again. Is this the fulfillment of that dream?

As an aspie, words are fun for me and writing probably came for me because of that. What didn't occur was the cost and struggle to learn about who I am. Philosophy is a search for truth, not sygneristic truth, but absolute truth. Also truth is about God, the personal God who is there as Francis Schaeffer would say.

What aspies struggle with I now know is the love of words, but not understanding the content and context that goes with words. I guess you call that social intelligence.

Goleman's and Amen's works bring this out.

Saw a flock of about 12 pheasants 2 miles from home and one of local males on top of an abandoned roll of wire checking out the scene. Cute, and also a victory in that the hunters got very few of them this year. Great.

Napoleon Hill

2009-03-02T18:48:00.000-08:00

Reading Hill's book. Talks about Emerson's work on Compensation.

Enlightening. Mr. Hill is a professing Mormon according to this book.

Lots of genealogy stuff going on. Talked with cousin Hallowell last nite about new tips.

Sat. AM

2009-02-28T00:31:00.000-08:00

Very quiet day. Read and surmised as I am reading Jack Canfield's book on Success Principles.

Sounds like T.HarvEcker all over again so far.

Good Blitz in the morning. Had some successful comments. Good.

Cool day, some snow. County is headed for whatever economically. I like what I am doing and at the pace I can do it.

The Past

2009-02-26T20:23:00.000-08:00

Sure been going thru some dips here lately. May have another one in the morning with the new bank account. What does it take to overcome the affects of autism.

I like the use of words, yet I have a hard time understanding the meaning of words at times, like there is a lag time in understanding.

What is next? How to deal with those who brand you?

No one wants to give an inch, not the present or the past. People watch and judge me I feel. So much depends on how I proceed. Certainly not in fear.

Not a bad day. New book from the library by Jack Canfield.

Decent day

2009-02-25T15:02:00.000-08:00

Howard Case sure knows little about genealogy.

Got a few things done today. Working on little things. Found the name of the lady of the Case clan in Paden, OK, got Lawrence E. Case's name, called him. His father is Elmer Case, grandfather is a William Martin Case born in Indiana.

Cleaned out some files, dumped them in town. Bought a coke and bread, came home.

Got Saturn into the garage, short is at the starter I believe.

Wind has come up, still warm. Do wants to go with her, I am telling her no. What is with her?

Loaded up some tires and stuff to get rid of. Need to load tools to take on injector rail tomorrow.

Good day. Am free of the Case study DNA. Wow. I feel great.

2009-02-24T13:09:00.000-08:00



Thank you for your reply.  I can understand both sides of this situation.  The group administrator has a responsibility to the project to ensure to the best of his ability that genealogical information is correct and correlate it in a way that makes it useful for all participants.  You are not obliged to provide this information but the group administrator is within their right to remove the results or inform the members of possible discrepancies in the information presented to them from a member, it is also within their right to inform members of the privacy policy in regards to publishing results or information about the group project.

Darren Marin
Family Tree DNA
713.868.1438
http://www.FamilyTreeDNA.com
"We Put the Gene in Genealogy

This amounts to censorship.  Howard Case knows nothing of the insult he is to genealogy

Caravan

2009-02-23T19:07:00.000-08:00

Made 2 trips to town today to show my 92 Caravan, both need to find something else. Both had complaints like the price was to high or something. Spent time fixing small things before I show it. Will repair them and raise the price tomorrow. It will be worth my time that way.

Lots of activity today. People still don't seem to be listening. Kept wondering today am I missing something, like all people wanted to do was complain.

So much for them. I have done what I can for today and as well as I can, if it doesn't fit you, forget it. I liked what I did and how I handled myself.

People seem disparate, fearful of the worse. Tired of listening to the news.

Family Tree DNA responded and took the side of the administrator. So sad for them.

Purina Cat Chow is being put into 16# bags rather than 18# bags according to Walmart and the price is being increased. Walmart has been out of Chow for 2 weeks because of this conflicit.
Having to find cat food at remote grocery stores.

Autism

2009-02-23T06:37:00.001-08:00

Do autistic individuals think in terms of fractal thougths or algorithms?

Family Tree DNA

2009-02-22T19:52:00.000-08:00

Howard Case of the Case DNA study on Family Tree DNA kicked me off the list because I use methods foreign to him and because of his bigoted and narrow mindedness, kinda like a mini Hitler.

Tried working with the Saturn today. No success. Will try tomorrow.

Quiet weekend. Working on outlining Seth Godin's book, Meatball Sundae.

Working on major items on my list. Reading Amen''s book on ADD.

Kantian

2009-02-20T14:59:00.000-08:00

Kantian thought seeks to remold man in the image of some artibrary authority or man made morals. We can see this leading to the making of AI and robots.

Man is made my his Maker, not Kantian thought provoking idol worshippers who feel that man can do better with these unabsolute morals to make new rules and laws that fit some .....

No where do I see Kantian thinking being successful, except in the godless statements and programs allowed to rule programs.

Autistic men and women are made in the image of God, not some kantian trained moralist. Therein lies the problem, do we treat others with the due respect of a soul created by God or someone who claims to be an overseer of that person's soul.

T.Harv Eker

2009-02-18T18:03:00.001-08:00

T.Harv Eker. Threw out all his material today. The bloated syngeristic speaker is an
Elkhart Tolle in another skin. Our country doesn't need these white veiled shamans in the business sector.

Threw out also Early to Rise, Investment U, Frank Kern, Stephen Pierce, and others. Tired of the emails and barrages of who is best and who can get you to a $ goal before the other.

Horrible day feeling wise. Walked the dog, a major accomplishment today.

Where I go from here, no idea.

Rejection

2009-02-17T21:28:00.000-08:00

Seems like everyone wants to reject me. More crap from the ex. Doesn't matter what I do or not do. There is no respect from her towards me.

What a ball of hair. The cats get along better with me than her.

Quess I will certainly stay away from her. I haven't got time for bs. She refuses to face her own personality and how it affects her. I am not the cause of her unhappiness nor can I nor do I want to be a part of it.

That is all I get from her is crap, no matter what. Just spent 5 weeks replacing the engine in her caravan. No thanks. No nothing except I can't stand you, you are a nightmare. Well let her be a nightmare unto herself.

Tuesday

2009-02-17T07:01:00.000-08:00

Tuesday. Sunny silent morning, birds, meadowlarks are about, a few robins. Neighbor speeds by on way to work. Simple walk. Furnace has shut off finally. Hate the heat and the noise in this old trailer.

50 degrees, hope to get my other Saturn going, sell the station wagon. Sell Dodge caravan.

It is a good day, watched PBS on Freetown, Africa last night. Seems freedom has to be won to be respected. The British didn't honor the black man's right to freedom.

Choice

2009-02-15T18:30:00.000-08:00

Autism is a choice, even when made in the face of violence and family disturbances. That choice propels one into a way of living that is not uncommon.

The forms of autism that require medical attention, let SPECT scans seek to find the biological workings of the brain before sentence is passed.

Michael Jordan

2009-02-14T22:59:00.000-08:00

This is a great post for people new to the social media world. Sometimes when you view someone as an expert, it's great to see how they started and learn some background about them. It shows that they didn't just roll out of bed and know a ton about social media. They were once beginners too.

I love sports, so here's a sports quote that fits well with this post.

"I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that's precisely why I succeed."
-Michael Jordan

Tolle

2009-02-14T11:55:00.000-08:00

Eclhart Tolle is part of the new age, Oprah one world religion. Am saying no to him and Guy Finley.

It is not so much as throwing out the trash as to what is going on with me that attracts this New Age trash, kinda like the Gina King thing at the T.Harv Ecker seminar.

Ecker needs to go from my haunts also, as well as others. Where this leaves me, I?

Am glad to be without them in many ways. What do I deal with in me that wants this stuff or this psuedo spirituality? Am I psuedo spiritual as well?

Was told the other night not to talk about autism and how it affects me?

What a joke.

Today

2009-02-12T19:13:00.000-08:00

Forget about Sally Witt and Heather Jamuah. If you want feminism in the sure rectal postion, forget them.

I am peeved, feeling rejected and tired of the crap and games people play.

Said no to Steve Little tonight also as he plays the pay at the end type game also.

Sad day. Somewhat disbelieving in a lot. I wonder what I do tomorrow.

Nana, nana.

Heather

2009-02-12T06:18:00.000-08:00

Found this group of people working on self development. I like that. Find the company stimulating and informative.

Dr. Sally Witt heads it up.

Dog and I went for our walk. Crisp and cool, 15 degrees. Sunny, suppose to storm today.

Amelia took the van to work today. Seems to run fine, except brakes. Made an appointment with a mechanic to check that out at 1PM. Kinda proud of myself for getting the engine in and running for a miminal cost, $300 for the used engine from Donlin Auto and about $150 in new parts and replacement items. It is an old vehicle, but Amelia likes it, besides a decision to buy another vehicle would put to much stress on our finances.

Still working on wind turbines. Left business cards with Nicki and Highline Electric.

Cut wood and put down several other items on my project list.

Rain and wind

2009-02-09T20:30:00.000-08:00

Got some needed rain. Wind came later. Worked on van. Fuel injectors and lines need to be replaced. Another day to running it.

Spoke with 9 people in Chicago tonight. Good time. Lots of encouragement.

Feeling sheepish for people believing in me, when I struggle each moment to do so.

Walked the dog. Road a bit muddy from rain, sun out. No wild animals seen. Saw my first skunk out this way a few days ago.

Winter wheat is hurting, this rain will help.

My econmony is okay and growing.

Steve Little returned my email. Wow.

Sensory

2009-02-09T05:55:00.000-08:00

Sensory deprivation is a key factor in autism, forcing children to choose a life of silence within themselves. In their introspection, the traits develop of varying kinds of autism. The necessary genes are not allowed to turn on.

These children also suffer physical attacks, verbal assaults and neglect that in all leads to isolation and victims. They are prone to bullies and may in turn become bullies themselves.

Cool day

2009-02-07T21:29:00.000-08:00

Spent the day working again on van, almost there, lost an axle washer, need to get one at the junkyard on Monday.

walked the dog, and got some groceries. Little bit concerned about finances as the wind mill thing blew up in my face. Feel good about not being around the fella, gives little direction and material to help. Had a hard time knowing what I was selling, let alone mustering the finances and time and the where to to get going. My golly, what a bully I would so.

Told him he was hilarious and needed to be on the Letterman show like the ousted Illinois governor.

Somewhat sad, finished reading the PBSP article. Again Kantian philosophy brought up. Am I becoming a syngeristic snob too.

I am almost being challenged by friends I am getting to know to blossom? So what. Something in me is resisting.

Got the washer on the brake pedal today on the other Saturn I have. Now to find the short in the electrical system and I will have the car on its way.

Temple Grandin

2009-02-07T06:10:00.000-08:00

Looked at Psyscho Motor Therapy. It is what Temple Grandin is talking about. I am now on the same page as she is. I understand now.

What a find. Take a look.

What a brag?

2009-02-06T09:39:00.002-08:00

Seems the term "what a drag" has become "what a brag"

I am amazed at how self absorbed I am and how little I actually live life. Seems I am caught up in the inner life so much I have little left over to share, but again what would I do as an autistic.

Up to date on material and projects.

Found my suppliers supplier, shucks.

The $77 I paid several months ago is paying off.

Have a wonderous day and enjoy the wind

What a brag?

2009-02-06T09:39:00.001-08:00

AM

2009-02-05T03:55:00.000-08:00

A productive day, a full 12 hours of activity. Almost done with the engine replacement on the caravan. Steady as you go.

Found out I am related to Abe Lincoln, not sure of connection. People I am related too are related to him.

No wind, warm, find that ok. Hoping for a SPECT scan here soon, also Guerilla Business school.
Hope to sell some wind mills.

Lots of change. I am not use to handling this much at one time. The use of St. John's Wort seems to help.

In walking the dog, she lulled behind me, had to call her to finish the course.

An awesome day ahead of me.

Tuesday

2009-02-03T18:44:00.000-08:00

Productive day. Not exciting, but awesome. Drove 275 miles, no incidents with the car.

Making headway on the van engine I am replacing. Feels good. Kinda feels like some good things are always going on about me.

Kathy at Work Center helped me out today. That was nice. She sent a fax for me.

Spent time at CSU. Parking lot tore up, parking garage going in.

Listen to music on the way home rather than Guy Finley.

Animals glad to see me get home. They wanted water and food.

Jason, the mechanic called. Too late, going to spent the money from that repair on the other van's windshield. He sure sounded desparate to have the work.

The other vans heater can wait.

Functionality leads to feelings of happiness. My functionality over the years has been up and down, full of holes and bumps. Would be nice to be able to concentrate and focus for longer periods of time.

Tuesday

2009-02-02T22:48:00.002-08:00

Reflecting on the conversation I had with Mr. Ben Neff today about my ggrandfather's hanging. He flat out stated that grandpa was dealt injustice in loosing the homestead in Plum Creek, Neb.

Am wondering if a wrongful lawsuit is in order against the county. Wonder if Ben Neff's uncle, Sherrif Dick was involved in the scam?

He said Cylde Wallace may have had the tape I am looking for. Ben Neff strikes me as a man of honesty and literary intregity.

Is this what I am suppose to do, right an injustice of 140 years, even though the man who died was a mean SOB. His son turned out just like him, and passed it down thru my grandmother.

I take it Grandma hated her life as much as her father. Sad

I sit here at midnight pondering 3 or 4 generations of our family and more, feeling the pain of growing up with undiagnosed ADD and autism. I have cursed God and life for the afflicition.

No one listens, no one wants to hear me out. Self pity has ruined my life and weaken me.

It is only within a few years that I have learned to challenge my inner crictics and self talk. Guy Finley has helped there, but only after thousand of hours of listening to his tapes. Repeat and repeat some more. It has been hard to learn how the NT's live and think. When will they take the necessary time to go beyond the "bare facts" as Gary Spence would say.

I wonder how Gary Spence would handle this in court, 140 years after the "bare facts".

And that is putting aside the syngeristic method of law.

There must be thousands of stories similar to mine across the times of eternity. What does it take to right these stories.

As I sit here on 3 Feb 09 close to starving and homeless. What do I do? Am missing Train the Trainer cause of ADD. What a joke on my part to think or even believe it would happen or that I could learn to support myself and family. What a cruel, merciless joke, very similar to slavery.

Found out I am related to Abraham Lincoln via the Heath family today. I find out these things as I search.

T. Harv Eker would not want me on stage. I would be an embarrassment to him and all, much as my grandfather was to his generation.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Echos of frustration and pain are yet to be heard.

Tuesday

2009-02-02T22:48:00.001-08:00

Monday

2009-02-02T16:45:00.000-08:00

Still reading Gary Spence's book, How to Argue and Win Every Time. Takes me time to read, some of his lines are confusing and difficult to digest.

No wind today. Blitztime event not so hot. Worked on the van, got the motor in its mounts and the trani buttoned up. Major achievement.

Ran with the dog this morning. Am feeling it this afternoon.

Spoke with Ben Neff from Lexington about Thomas Hallowell Sr. He does have a bit of info on the man. Writing a book about him and I Print.

Broke my appointment with Lindsay. Adam called about paper work. Tired this afternoon, not much for activity.

Emails are slow. People calling me about work. What a twist and I have nothing to offer.

Am missing Train the Trainer in LA. Money didn't come about. Party wanting bankruptcy help folded also, along with a buyer for the RV. How strange.

Wonder what my harmonics are?

sunday

2009-02-01T08:30:00.000-08:00

Found Dr. Cheri Florance's website, www.cheriflorance.com and ebrainlabs.com. Wonderous. Hits home for me, especially the part about her son being born a blue baby, much like myself.

Cool and sunny here today. Sleep some, awoke and worked a bit and fell back asleep. Watching for a "dip" since I feel like I am attempting to sabatoge myself from being successful.

Take care and enjoy your wonderous life.

Zero Out

2009-01-31T16:55:00.000-08:00

No response but one critic on my emailing wind generation customers. What a bummer that has been today. Sensing a need to be resourceful, but how.

Reading Gary Spence's book"How to Argue and Win Every Time". I like it even though it smacks of Buddhism. Trying isn't enough for him, just do it.

What do I do next? How do I get to LA with enough money to attend Ecker's Train the Trainer session?

I feel like I need to sell something. Turned down an offer on a 2001 TC van. Guy wanted too much.

Spoke with Adam a bit. He called to thank me for helping him the other day. Unusual, his mom may have put him up to it.

Quiet day, bummed out. read some, took the dog for a walk. Wind has died down, very pleasant outside now.

Moodiness is the word. Got up about 3am and read some Twitter blogs. Google is considering buying Twitter? Wonder when Blitztime will come to Google.

Friday

2009-01-30T18:30:00.000-08:00

Finished emailing customers on wind generators. Windy.

Worked on the business today. Quiet, noticed the anger again this morning. I wonder what is bringing it on.

Looking at a 2001 van, wants $7000, only worth about $2500 on ebay.

Not much to say. Spoke with Sheri from Amen Clinics today. Messed up on Blitz.time.

What happened?

2009-01-30T00:21:00.000-08:00

Started the day with terrible negative attitude. Ex needed help with a flat tire 12 miles from home.
Found that I also needed to help with some errands with son out in Bellingham, WA. Just some mail pickup and delivery.

The tire came moments after having inspected the tires for flats. Almost more than I wanted.
Found myself at Walmart later dealing with another flat. Slowed down and reminded myself I didn't want that kind of self talk in my life at all.

From there on, a wonderous day, plenty energy. I know what it was that changed me.

In talking with Ken at Home Depot, I started joking, needing the stimulation for the PFC or prefrontal cortex.

Dr. Daniel Amen talks about this in his book on ADD.

Thursday

2009-01-29T07:34:00.000-08:00

I find myself irrate at the tiniest of infractions from others this morning. Called out to change a tire for the ex, after just inspecting the tires before she left for work. Drove 30 miles to do that.

I feel like a slave to others cause I am so generous. I am tired of it. Nothing is changing here like I would like to see it.

Guy Finley states that "my situation is my self" What is this saying about me?

I surely am tired of the domination by others and the repressed memories that keep me in these autistic ways.

Farm Show

2009-01-27T21:49:00.000-08:00

Farm show today. Glad I didn't have a booth for the wind turbines I sell. Walked around and intro
myself to those I thought I would like to get to know. Kinda worked out.

Worked on website with my son, got it to where I wanted it. Nice feeling. Had a bite to eat with him before I traveled 2 hours home.

Took time to consciously enjoy being around my son and to listen. He talked about his cats, Fabian and Pedro, and his visiting cat. He is funny. Talked about his brother Adam and how he thinks and how he thinks, similar to his mom. Amazing, he is learning.

He had positive sayings on the frig, didn't take much to notice them or ask him about them. Encouraged though. He has changed mightly in the last 6 months.

Cold Day

2009-01-26T21:34:00.000-08:00

Cold day, cut firewood and stayed by the fire. About 0 degrees. Tried again on the website, sure disspirited about it. Will be out of town tomorrow.

Godaddy

2009-01-24T09:39:00.000-08:00

Godaddy site is a joke. Slow service and confusing development templates, slow server or overloaded server.

Wait times of 12 minutes is ridiculous.

Their page designer doesn't function. Wow.

Got a letter about Thomas Hallowell Sr.. from Nebraska. Wonder what it is about?

Wind and snow here today. Had some interesting conversations on Blitz.time about being able to let NT's know what I am thinking and speaking up. Strange. All these years and no one wouldn't take time to understand what I was trying to say as an Aspie.

It is clumbersome and awkward at the least. Found a blogger, Sheila Schoonover, misspelled. Like her clarity and passion, also her love for Jesus Christ.

Thursday

2009-01-22T18:05:00.000-08:00

The time has come to build a website for Blue Sky Wind Solutions. Decided to donate portion of the sales to Autism, DNA genealogical studies, and donating wind generators to developing countries.

Found some sense in using wind turbines on farm pivots today. Electrical supplier had the answers, not the irrigation companies. One company set me on hold, another refused to return my calls (3), and others just didn't know.

I have a customer asking about the use of single phase wind energy for 3 phase use. Electricity is energy and can be converted to what is needed. Simple.

Warm day. Got some progress in getting the engine into the caravan. Feel good about that.
Takes me a bit to do things in small bits. Focus is hard. A sympton of ADD.

Still reading Amen's book on ADD.

New day

2009-01-22T05:21:00.000-08:00

Sleep deeply, not enough. Crisp and clear mind today. Journey looks to not be effected by weather this weekend. Reading a book on marketing. Fun.

Still dreading working on a website. I can do it. Do it then.

About reading to put engine into a Caravan.

No wind

2009-01-21T21:48:00.000-08:00

Untypical day, got lots done without the wind boiling down my back. Still reading Dr. Amen's book on ADD. Learning the technique for breathing to relax. Used it a few times while in town today.

Finished calling my list of customers who are interested in wind generators. Exhausting having so much fun. Found a neighbor to a customer who is reaping $800 from the electric company because of excess energy his turbine is generating. Wow.

Got a new book today, Meatball Sundae, it is about marketing. Has my mind twisted. Excellent for me as I start this new company.

Will be traveling this weekend to conferences.

Has been a decent day, some energy and a lot accomplished.

Tuesday, Jan 20

2009-01-20T19:07:00.000-08:00

Spent 2 days burned out and not functioning because I choose to take something to personally. I also allowed the wind to be an excuse, an example of beating myself up again.

Did much better today. Worked on vehicles, had a great time on Blitz.time. Find people being a bit desparate, looking for work and attempting to sell their products to me. Not much for that.

Watched part of NCIS, news, working on computer.

Encouraged by Dr. Amen's book, Healing ADD. Find it healing and upsetting. Will continue to read it, almost finished.

Dog and I went for our walk. No slacking of on that. Cheated on my menu today, had a Coke.

Sugar is a no-no for ADD's.

Since I have cut out sugar, there is much less pain in my joints.

Time for some red grapes.

Friday, 16 Jan 09

2009-01-16T17:52:00.000-08:00

Again am reading Amen's books on ADD and the Magnificent Mind. Overwhelms me. The info on ADD is just what my family was when growing up. ADD's like to get their stimulation by getting others to yell at them, which is what my mother and stepfather loved to do.

I grew up not knowing up or down, very instrospective, shy and depressed. I raised my children in a similar way, it scared me and still does. ADD is genetic, I equate it with autism, asperger's for sure. Now I am seeking ways to recover and enjoy the world and others.

Not a bad day, worked on replacing a Dodge Caravan engine, lots of anger and cussing. It is unbelieveable what I run into that keeps things from being simple. Ran into a rounded off bolt that covered up another bolt I needed to get to. Sawed it off with a sawsall, then slowly took the other bolt out. The engine came apart.

Now I need to take the radiator out and lose the AC cause of the way it is hooked up and made.
What a trip. Almost there though.

Talked to nice people on Blitz.time today. I always like that.

autism

2009-01-15T07:53:00.000-08:00

I am currently reading Daniel Amen's books. I enjoy the concept of using SPECT scans to diagonose brain working for biological malfuntioning before beginning some off the cuft meds or trial and error method.

Also have found Daniel Goleman's books on Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence rewarding. His comment and research show that autism is based in the first 24 months of a baby's life as coming from how the family interacts with the child. Anotherwords if a family has poor social interactions with each other, a child's neral genes are never turned on, therefore the child develops autism.

Take a look at this material, you will like it.