Birthday

Birthday celebrations today. Had dinner with our son in Fort Morgan and later a movie. Aliens and Monsters. Decent and charming.

Not like Birney, from Walle.

Wind fierce today.

Posts on Ancestry.com

Genealogy retraced from 9 years ago. Same vein, Absalom Case is a good candidate for our ancestor after seeing the coincidences of KY and Ohio Cases. This is confirmed by DNA at Family Tree DNA. There are 6 or 7 families that come together in this case.

Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men is mechanic and anti-human. Sinese is horrible in it.

Polya

Found George Polya today thru Michael John Neill. Wow and wow.

Solving problems is the articles I read by Neill and he mentions Polya, a Budapest math professor.

Snow storm

First and last snow storm of the season. Fargo facing destruction from flood waters.

Walked the dog, 20 degrees and 20mph wind. Cold walking into the wind.

God is a living being, full of light and grace. Pondering this. God is not just a word or myth but reality. As King Saul found out in his adventure with God.

Business is not something to be personal or arbitrary. Business is a business with rules and procedures and comes from personal values

Decent day

Decent day, removed several items from list and attended 2 Blitz.time events.

Got material from printer, not expensive as I thought. Good. Get material to new customers.

Am sensing I have a poor self image of who I am versus what others see in me.

Narcissim is that way.

Noises

Buffeting winds have driven me nuts over the years, especially working in them on cold days on mechanical issues with vehicles. Compound this with anxiety of any sort and wack, I go to cussing and sometimes yelling.

God is not the cause of this anger, it is my respond to noises and not handling or being aware of my own anxieties. Of course I get the work done, but sometimes becasuse of my learning style or work style it takes me 2 or 3 times before I get it right.

Like last week I had car overheating problems and replaced antifreeze with water. Now today it is 28 degreees. I am hoping that once light comes up I can salvage the matter and put some antifreeze in.

Spoke with a cousin last nite. Enough with that. Seems fear wants to make an entrance.

Today

Got the Saturn to run, still not sharp, but runs.

40 mph winds today, trapped inside with wind pounding trailer. Not a safe day with noises and pounding.

Slept after reading. May not be a good habit. Work with strengths, not weaknesses.

Blog

Reading my past posts reminds me of the negativity I generate. Wow.

Better day, injectors came in for the Saturn, may work on it tomorrow.

Got a few errands done. left others on the list.

Found 10 people to follow on genealogy today. What a find.

See ya later

Dare to Win

Canfield's suggestions seem so far out and disciplined. Wonder how I will respond, will it be withdrawal as usual or depression.

Or will it be no response at all, just letting life go by me. No news from suppliers.

What is next?

Today

Reading Canfield's Dare to Win. I am always reading, for what. What do I do with this info?

I seem to let it sieve thru me and is lost.

I love words, but do words make reality and how so. Does visualization make it right?

Where do relationships come in for an autistica? Does an autistic have a relationship with God or Jesus?

Aspies have trouble associating meaning with words. Which brings me to the use of law to slam aspies for not knowing the difference between right and wrong. I believe aspies know the difference but in some way have trouble not being able to use ANT's or similar techniques to deal with problems. Which again concludes with Daniel Goleman's theisis that family upbringing brings on autistism, poor problem solving, etc.

Not many will see this, don't need many. All men are created equal and in the image of Christ.

So there is an answer, just not an ABA approved answer.

Job

Jobs are not made for the Aspie, an aspie needs to find his own way and that complicated by the symptons he has to deal with.

People will find an aspies friendliness attractive, but the downside is the lacking social skills.

What keeps me from a job or career is my own feelings and thoughts, as well as how I view the world. I have let the world treat me less than what I am worth. This came to me as I walked the dog a few days ago.

I had been mesmerized by the thought that the world would not let me work. What a lie but rather convincing to one with low self esteem. The world is full of life. This world view that terrorizes me is not real. I am here for a reason, not yours.

DNA

Again confirmed that Absalom Case is in our ancestry line. It is amazing how I am learning to trust my instincts and notions. It is more than that, a simililute of sorts.

When we stomp on the words and works of another we are disgracing the image of God within him or her.

Cool walk with the dog today. She has learned to heel and understands me. Wow.

Meadowlarks out and about. Smokey the cat out hunting.

Trust begins either with the person behind Proverbs 3:5,6 or with one's self which is aethism. Take your pick. Our country prefers aethism now. It will reap the consequences of that. God is in control.

Blog posts

I will be unpopular cause I speak too direct and what is on my mind.

Sheila Schoonmaker states that in her latest blog. She is good

Woke up thinking about the Golden Rule. When you consider hurting your neighbor you hurt yourself. From driving to walking thru Walmart. What you are considering or thinking about that person in front of you in the checkout line is just as much as truth as the external words and smiles we use in conversing with others.

Noticed that in speaking with Randy at Mirror Image. He really didn't like having people take up his time while I was there, even if only to say hello. I quess what he was saying is, you are not really a friend, so why are you here?

It just now dawns on me what was going on, almost 15 hours later. Story of my life. Too little too late.

Cats

I am angry, having to work in 20 mph 20 degree winds on vehicles that aren't mine. Wow, I sure can cuss. Hate the noise of the wind and the whining cats about me.

Got it done, not as involved as first thought. Bornhoft called about dessert for the Friday funeral, didn't need our help. Said thank you and hung up. Wonder if they called off the funeral.

I had just got inside from the cold and wind and get this kind of call. Wow, what a bunch of ........'s
I am tired of not even having my own life, always working on others projects and letdowns.

I hope no one ever follows these lines or this blog. What a joke I am? How am I to run a business with all this anger. If it isn't wind today, it would be a supplier or customer tomorrow,. what gives?

So what, does it matter.

Birthday

March 10

Fine day. Son drove over and spent some time with me, hanging out as he stated. Fun time, shot some fireworks off at dark and watch his senior high play.

Funny conversation with Gary at R&R, laughed hard and long. Great. Found an injector for the saturn today in CA. Finally.

Cold, windy day, sunny, but cold. Cut some wood for fireplace. Enjoyed making others happy today rather than asking for something.

Lots of news going on. Hope to bring all up to speed soon.

Alerts

A few new alerts, no notice of the discovery that family environment plays a role in autism.
Verbal violence, physical abuse, neglect, screaming, and lack of nurture will force a young child
to withdraw and then stay there until heard or touched by a pet or caring individual.

The sadness is that in our violent culture, that is very rare and we blame other things for how we raise our children.

Violent video games are not good for an individuals brain health. If necessary, using a SPECT scan may find out the biological reasons for the functioning of a person's brain, giving a professional better resources to help someone. Dr. Daniel Amen is doing this as well as others in the profession.

4 inches of new snow here. Feel like I am dropping the ball too much with my new business and selling items in order to stay afloat.

I am seeing a lot of attempts to help autistic people. Would be nice if people took time to do some soul searching and ask themselves, Am I treating my child with respect and love or am I yelling, screaming at them, causing them to blame themselves for my behavior. leading to generational abuse.

Here I am homeless. living with someone who doesn't care or who blames me for her problems.
And yes, I probably don't get it.

Being Heard

Dr. Phil had kids in San Quentin today. One comment the convicts made is not having someone to hear them out or what they said. That sounds so familiar to me and in my comments. I feel like I am never heard or listen to.

Quiet day, walked the dog. That was my accomplishment for the day. Tried to read, not much there either.

Feb 5

Following is a quote from Dr. Danile Amen's book, Magnificent Mind at Any Age:

Page 200

"How Childhood Sets Up Resilience or Vulnerability in the Brain

Evidence from both animal and human studies shows that childrenn who experience extreme, uncontrollable stress, such as physical or sexual abuse, are more likely to suffer from anciety and depression and are more vulnerable to stress later in life. At birth there is substantial flexibility in the brain's ability to respond and adapt to stressfull events. Some research suggests that there may be a critical period in the first few weeks of life, during which time traumas are particularly harmful to the bain's ability to handle stress. Studies of humans who survive child abuse have found changes in the functioning of the brain circuits responsible for handling stress. A study of women who were abused as chldren found that they had an increase in their stress hormones compared with those who were not abused. Long-termed exposure to stress hormones has been found to kill cells in the hippocampus, part of the limbic brain deep in the temporal lobes, involved with memory, learning, and emotion. Smaller hippocampal volumes are found in people with depression and chronic stress disorders. Early abuse or stress can cause longstanding changes in brain circuits associated with resilience and learning. Women who are abused are more likely to stay with men who are abusive, in part because of their own anciety, erratic memory, and low self-confidence. These findings suggest that child abuse can lead to long-term changes in the brain and may help to explain why mistreatment is passed down generation after generation."


It is my experience I have experienced this and that I believe as Dr. Daniel Goleman states that autism and asperger's is closely related family upbringing, enviroment, abuse and what isn't there, along with genetic dispositions.

Writing

Writing was my dream at 18, but the depression coming from undiagnosed asperger's and living with alcoholics kept me struggling and wondering what is going on. That was 44 years ago and countless jobs. Now here I am writing a blog about my life and wondering again. Is this the fulfillment of that dream?

As an aspie, words are fun for me and writing probably came for me because of that. What didn't occur was the cost and struggle to learn about who I am. Philosophy is a search for truth, not sygneristic truth, but absolute truth. Also truth is about God, the personal God who is there as Francis Schaeffer would say.

What aspies struggle with I now know is the love of words, but not understanding the content and context that goes with words. I guess you call that social intelligence.

Goleman's and Amen's works bring this out.

Saw a flock of about 12 pheasants 2 miles from home and one of local males on top of an abandoned roll of wire checking out the scene. Cute, and also a victory in that the hunters got very few of them this year. Great.

Napoleon Hill

Reading Hill's book. Talks about Emerson's work on Compensation.

Enlightening. Mr. Hill is a professing Mormon according to this book.

Lots of genealogy stuff going on. Talked with cousin Hallowell last nite about new tips.